A Senselessly Deadly New Year…Hear

Today we learn that it was a deadly New Year’s Eve in Denver. Broncos player killed in drive-by shooting was the headline at CNN. Another drive-by. Wow, what brave souls they were. Sneak up along side, firing at unsuspecting people. That is nearly as brave as “jumping” someone with 5 or 6 of your “tough” friends. The cowardice of the bad guys here in the U.S.,never ceases to amaze me. My students constantly tell me that I don’t understand how things are these days. I have traditionally attempted to tell them that things haven’t changed that much….maybe I was wrong. I truly don’t understand people who murder indiscriminately. How does that make them feel powerful? It is very easy to kill. Many people kill themselves accidentally, so how hard could it be?? To kill is such an easy thing to do. Learning to live with those we dislike is very difficult. The man who punches the annoying drunk in the bar is not nearly so tough as the guy who goes to work each day with someone he hates. The worker understands that those who depend upon him benefit from his self-restraint. He is not a selfish child who cannot thing of anything better to do than lash out. How much frustration do our people carry around that allows them to lash out in such a fashion? I have students who spend their days an nights either fighting, discussing fighting, or being concerned about who is “looking” for them. What kind of values are we giving these kids? Many of their fathers are absent or telling them “not to take stuff” from others. When did we become so thin skinned?? I have many friends whose parents grew up in the U.S. prior to the 1960s, and they were black. It was a difficult time for them. In order to survive they had to learn to overlook the slights of others. They had to keep their eyes on what was important…their families. How much of a father is a dead man? How much of a father is a prisoner? How much of a father is someone whose only response seems to be violence? I understand the 3-year-old who cannot come up with any other response to frustration, but haven’t we learned anything?

Maybe my children are right, I truly don’t understand. I don’t know that I want to. I don’t want to know why people hate some one “from the other ‘hood” simply because his family choose a different street. I don’t know how they can’t see that if mommy moves…their hood changes. I don’t understand how they can’t see that the person who kills someone else gives up control over their lives to the dead guy. The dead guy, much like an ex-spouse, never leaves their minds. And, chances are, the dead guy was someone they wouldn’t have crossed the street to spit on. Why must we make sure that everyone understands we are mad or frustrated? I think most everyone is, to some degree. Why do we think our frustration is so important that we must lash out? Do we think that we are so important that the world must notice? Could it be that we were allowed to throw too many tantrums when we were young? Could it be that we were abused when we were young? Could it be that we cannot see that we are following the path of the fools that raise us? If we thought it was wrong for mom or dad to hit us, why is it OK for us to hit others? If we thought it was wrong for mom and dad to hit one another, why is no OK for us to lash out? Can we not learn from the mistakes of others, or are we so stupid we must learn the same hard lessons on our own? If so, what happened to imagination? What happened to trying to be better than the generation before us? Why not try to make our families proud of us, in the U.S., right Here.

Around here being the resident Geek…..

Means that I am the one tasked with “fixing” and “supervising” all computer operations.  While that isn’t so bad normally.  Right now www.wallgreens.com is having a sale on their photo printing…..thanks a lot.  This sale has caused my poor MacBook to be uploading pictures for over 2 hours, at this point……maybe quite a few to go.  Arrrgh do these stores really intend for people, like my lovely wife, to upload hundreds of pictures at a time???  I thought not.  No, they intended Gramma and Grandpa to upload a dozen or so….and be happy.  Do I get to do that???  No, of course not.  If you wind up using their site do remember to use the photocenter plugin for OSX or windows, otherwise you’ll be doing it one picture at a time…..a serious loss of sleep.  My wife takes an amazing number of pictures.  In my brilliance I suggested a digital camera……NOW SHE CAN TAKE EVEN MORE.  AAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!  She enjoys it so much.  But, it does cause a great deal of work for Walgreens, my MacBook…and, ME!!!  But, she does do all the cooking….so I guess we’re even.  At least that is the way of it around here.

And here we have the Easy Linux desktop!!

A little background.  I am not a MS Windows fan.  I have used MS operating systems since the good ole DOS days.  I enjoyed the control that DOS gave me over the complexity of tasks my job required.  I wasn’t very fond of Windows 3.1, stayed with DOS.  When ‘95 came out I purchased a new computer and the wars began.  I enjoyed the GUI (graphical user interface), but I didn’t like the restrictions that MS put on the user.  ’98 was better, but still it had its problems.  I passed up on Windows ME, Windows NT, and 2000.  XP arrived and I thought I was in love.

Around the time XP showed up on my desktop I began to hear about Linux, a free 
operating system that could replace XP. Well, I managed to get Red Hat 7 to dual boot with XP. That’s about it.
Couldn’t get on the NET, couldn’t word process, couldn’t do anything really. But, I did notice the ability to change everything.
This ability to change everything in Linux highlighted one of the biggest annoyances of Windoze. Gates and company had decided what I could and couldn’t do to MY desktop. I began to search the net for ways to change the system…..and found them. I fixed it where my computer never “phoned home”. MS didn’t know anything about me. I have never even owned MS Office. I learned how to lock down XP, turning off nearly all of MS services. I used open source browsers. I used open source office suites. I even changed my “start” button to say “go away” & “touch not”. I learned how to alter nearly everything. I even had free virus protection.

I still suffered my share of viri & spyware (of which any Symantic, Norton, product is the worst). But, that didn’t bother me that much. But, I couldn’t forget about Linux. I kept hovering around Distrowatch and OSnews. I was learning about Linux. I tinkered now and again with Red Hat….booger-ed my system more than once doing it. Windows really doesn’t play very nice with anything else on the computer. I was feeling pretty good about my computing experience until……..

I made some hardware changes in my desktop. I rebooted and my computer demanded new authorization codes. This is when I truly discovered the truth about EULA (end user license agreements). I was aghast. How could they require a new code? Why did they care? I was fortunate. I had the recovery disks from IBM to redo my system completely without engaging MS. But, I thought, what if I didn’t….. They could easily say that I had tried to install on another computer contrary to the EULA, therefore owing them for another copy of XP. No, Alice you don’t own the software. No, on this side of the looking glass you are merely a pawn, chattel, nothing of consequence. That was the day I decided to make the jump.

I have tried a variety of Linux distrobutions: MEPIS, KANOTIX, DSL, Xandros, Red Hat, SUSE, Ubuntu, Kubuntu, Xubuntu, Knoppix, etc. I have made the rounds. I have found them all to work well enough to do the work I needed to do. I have relearned how to program a bit. I have relearned how to take control of the system. I have learned how to secure my system….no viri, no spyware…. It is a different world. I have been Windows free for over a year.

Today, I installed MEPIS 6.06 on my Wife’s computer. She is learning to love Linux. Yes some tweaking may be required of me, or her, mostly me…..no really only me…..always me….never her (but, that is as it has always been). She enjoys being online without the worry of malware. She is not a geek at all. She is a cook…..a wonderful cook….burrrrrrp. Sorry, got side tracked. But, she is back up and running with an operating system that she is learning. An operating system that didn’t care what computer it was on. An operating system that does all of the things she needs it to do.

Why do we accept the intrusions of companies like MS? Why do we allow them to dictate our habits? You must upgrade!!! What if I don’t want to? DO IT ANY WAY!!! I don’t see the need to constantly change my hardware just because MS decided not to support the crap they produced!!! If you don’t want to support the old systems, turn over the code. Let us do it ourselves. Its kinda like buying a car but not owning the engine. You can do most things….until they decide not to let you any more. Why don’t you own the software? Why do they retain ownership? Doesn’t make sense to me. Even Apple gives true recovery disks. After you buy the system you don’t have to talk to them anymore, if you don’t want to. But not MS. No………Billy Bob…..er, Gates insists on being involved in your business, private or otherwise.

I think Letterman and company had it right http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_o9isZY5h0 . While I appreciate all that MS has done……oh, yeah….helping everyone to get online easily (not ensuring they knew enough to avoid malware), helping every afford a computer (throwaway machines that are difficult to upgrade and hard to maintain), and ensuring that nearly everyone had someone watching over them (spying is more like it) to ensure they didn’t get into difficulties (or do anything else MS doesn’t agree with).

I enjoy the freedom that Linux gives me. I enjoy the control. I do get frustrated trying to figure out why something doesn’t work or doesn’t work right, but I am man enough to dig in and learn. Learning is good for us (oh yeah, that would be the teacher in me talking). Computing isn’t the scary black box type of thing they would have you believe…..at least it isn’t around here.

WHAT…HUH…IT SURE IS LOUD HERE

I am an avid reader of the forums at http://www.ninja250.com/home.htm and the FAQ found there. As a reNewed motorcycle rider it is of great interest to me to be as visible and noticeable to others as possible. I was able to accomplish the tail light mod without too much difficulty.

So, after the head rush created by my dazzling ability to turn my brake light into a tanning light, I decided to attempt the horn mod. First, you must know that I have tinnitis. Which is a ringing in the ear that doesn’t ever really go away. Sometimes, through the use of an herbal product by Clear, it is relatively quiet for a time. This was one of those times.

The horn that comes on the Kawasaki Ninja 250 is anemic at best. It would probably work well as the horn on a 5 year-old’s trike, but a real motorcycle???? In traffic???

So, I went to Harbor Freight and purchased a replacement. When I got home I decided that before actually removing the original I should test both (the original and the new one) just to see if this was a good idea.

I removed the new horn from the package. Turned on the motorcycle. Hit the horn button. Truly as unimpressive as I thought. Attached two wires to the new horn. Removed seat from motorcycle. Placed one wire to a terminal on the battery. PLACED THE SECOND WIRE TO THE BATTERY. CALL THE PARAMEDICS. I CAN’T HEAR. OMG.

That was late yesterday……. Ear still ringing loudly. Can’t hear anyone. Can’t hear anything.

Next time, fix it where new horn is on the switch. Use long stick to touch button. Use ear plugs. AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH.

It sure is loud around here.

Stupid looks from the Mirror

Sometimes as the years pass we lose parts of ourselves.  We don’t mean to, it just sort of happens as responsibilities (read life) gets in the way.  And, strangely enough, we tend to forget what the lost parts were like.

This past year I guess I have tried to remake myself into the athlete that I never was.

I, like many others,  have gotten tired of the gas prices.  So, I decided that I would ride a bicycle to work.  Spent thousands.  Worked very hard.  I accomplished my goal…at least to some degree.  I was able to ride to work.  I was able to ride regardless of the weather.  I had ridden many years ago back and forth to work and thought this wouldn’t be too different.  I knew it would be difficult…I am a bit older.  But, I forgot one minor complication….I now have asthma full-time.  While, I enjoyed riding…my asthma didn’t.  My wife didn’t.  She was very nervous about my breathing, or lack thereof.  My doctor wasn’t thrilled either.

As the months passed, my breathing became more labored…my stubborness took over.  I was sure I would get better.  I didn’t.  Then my wife reminded me of a part of me that seemed to have been lost.  She insisted that I get a motorcycle…….what a great wife.

If this wasn’t the best present ever……it did reconnect me to a time long ago.  Years ago,  I rode a motorcycle daily to work when we lived in Denver and I was still in the USAF.  I had forgotten how free I felt.  I had forgotten how much it felt, like “me”.  For many other people getting a motorcycle wouldn’t be “normal” it would be “crazy”.  But for me, “normal” had returned.  I had forgotten how it felt to be “in the wind”.  I am amazed at how good the motorcycles are today.  The brakes actually stop them.  Wow.  Even for the cheaper motorcycle like mine, Kawasaki Ninja 250, the  craftsmanship and attention to detail are far beyond anything produced when I was riding before.  I got so happy I was giggling…..how embarrassing.  But, I don’t care….I am back on two wheels.

These two wheels: http://alii1959.files.wordpress.com/2006/12/p1020428.JPG 

My wife had attempted, prior to the bicycle fiasco, to get me back on a motorcycle.  Should have listened.  But, I was stubborn.  Often stubborn=stupid.  And, I can be oh so stupid.  She knows me so much better than I know myself.  Funny how you can live so long and know so little, even about the one that stares back at you from the mirror.  And, while giggly at the moment, from the mirror it often looks stupid here.

Christmas arrives….even here!!

It is amazing how the simplest things take us back to childhood.  If we are careful we are able to see the amazement in the eyes of others.  This past year Disney released “The Little Mermaid” again, this time on DVD.  Along with the release came another round of merchandising.  Because it is my daughter’s favorite Disney film we went crazy….Little Mermaid this, Little Mermaid that….most, not all of it was very inexpensive.  Today my daughter received all of those gifts….not anything fancy…just simple plastic doodads.  And, for many 20-year-olds this would have meant nothing…save the fact that her parents didn’t care enough to buy “real” gifts.  Yet, if only for a few moments, the little girls who squealed with delight so many years ago at Ariel’s escapades returned for a visit.  I was able to see the glee of a 6-year-old again in my living room.  For, if only for a moment, she had returned.  The anxious, hurried, studious, and driven college student was replaced by the sparkling hazel eyes and dimpled hands of the little girl from so long ago…..  It is amazing to see this happen to her.  It is amazing that so many of us have lost the ability to return to our youth, even if only for a moment.  We have lost the joy and amazement that the eyes of a child can see.  We stare at the world through eyes, often, that have grown cold and lifeless through years of drudgery.

And, we believe that is all that the world now offers.  We have lost our true inner child.

Freud spoke of the inner child as though it was an unruly part of ourselves that was difficult to tame,given to fits of selfish abandon.  Maybe our inner child is more.  Maybe it is our ability to let go of our facade and view life through eyes untainted.  Without the worry that someone might see our reactions.  Without the worry of losing face.  Most of the small children I have known do not get too upset about being wrong, failing the first time, or looking too silly.  But, as adults we cannot do so.

As we age we take on the mask of adulthood and begin to play the roles that the mask requires quite often without questioning what has been lost.  The mask blocks our emotions from others and therefore from ourselves.  We lose so much when we can no longer laugh with the child within over silly things.  How do we expect the world to be a better place when even our emotions are hidden?  Are we that scared of one another?

I know I have been frightened many times to think that someone might be able to see through the mask that I wear so well.

Might they be able to see the me on the inside?

Unfortunately the world has taught many of us to shield ourselves, and our emotions, from a world that seeks to make us its victim.

We have learned that life can be cruel and hard.  We have learned that too often life cannot be trusted to take our most heartfelt emotions with the care then deserve.  Who taught us this?

It seems to me that it wasn’t ”life” , but it was those who lead the way.  Those older than ourselves.

Through their actions, choices, and fears they left a legacy of fear, distrust, and often hatred.

The question, then I suppose, is what are we leading our children into?

Are we destined only to see the joy in their eyes as infrequent episodes within lives hidden behind a mask?

It is my hope and desire that you, and yours, share the joy of life together in this season of celebration.

Take off the masks an laugh with abandon.

Christmas Eve….from here!!

Well,

This is my first blog….ever.  Hope I don’t sound too stupid to start.

 I just wanted to acquaint myself with writing on-line.

First, why should you read this???  I have no idea.

Maybe, just maybe you want to see things through my eyes.

Although they are a bit old and are corrected, at this point, maybe you’ll see the world differently.

I am often asked to see the world differently….

As a teacher, I am often presented life through the eyes of youth.

As a science guy, I am presented life through the eyes of an observer.

As a husband, I am often presented life through the eyes of the mother of my child.

As a father, I am often presented life through the eyes of wonder.

 It will be as a teacher, scientist, husband, and father that you will get a glimpse of my life.

 

Your first peek, will be this Christmas Eve.

I find myself looking at a world that seems to be changing, as always.  I cannot count the

number of times I have sat looking at what seemed to be a new world.  The day of my

marriage, the birth of my child, my leaving the military, acheiving my degree, the start

of my teaching career…..all new worlds, for me at least.

But, through all of the changes internal and external that have accompanied nearly a half-

century of life, the world remains populated by people who seem to want what they have

 always wanted.

They have always wanted to matter.  They have always wanted to be important, to be loved.

Even in anger, it is often merely a cry to be noticed and to be taken seriously.  To be

accepted as they are without judgement.  Those who wish to judge only want it to

be understood that they are wise and have the authority to make judgements, yet often do not

wish to be judged themselves just appreciated.  Parents want kids to understand

their struggles.  Kids want parents to realize that times have indeed changed.  Families pulling

apart, not together.  At Christmas time we struggle to let others know how much we care….

Or, at least, how much we can spend.  Unfortunately, spending doesn’t equal concern or love.

Too often we find the young girl excited over the multi-carat engagement ring,

only to find a few years later an embittered woman with a ring to sell.  If the love matched the

cost shouldn’t the stars of Hollywood, the sporting world, and coporate America stay

married.  Our kids know the truth.  While they enjoy the gift, they realize that

the love and acceptance often isn’t there.

How can I show my child I love her on this important day?  I’m not sure.  I will be with her.

I am going to try to listen.  I will try to accept her as she is.  I may not succeed.

How can I show my wife I love her on this important day?  I’m not sure.  I will be with her.

I am going to try to listen.  I will try to accept her as she is.  I may not succeed.

 

I just hope that they can accept me: imperfect, fallable, insensitive, impatient, and often stupid,

and love me as I am.  I will try harder to earn their love as the days pass.